Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Love in Japan
Something occurred to me yesterday while teaching a song who's every second lyric was "I love you!" and assigning homework to "Practice saying 'I love you' to your family, etc". ...English teachers sure can be full of crap sometimes.
Of course I always knew this, especially when I was teaching at Nova (R.I.P.) but the topic of "love" and teaching the word and it's "meaning in Western culture" is a great example of just how much language and culture a lot of teachers in Japan can pull out of their arse at the expense of the students' (adult and child) learning.
A lot of teachers seem to present the word "love" as having a lot more meaning and emotion attached to it than the Japanese equivalent, "Ai". They'll say how "Ai" just means to "really like something" because it's used all the time and "Japanese people don't really tell each other how they feel".
But wait a sec! Are you saying you've never "loved" a movie? Never said "I love that tv show LOST"? Saying the word "love" is only reserved for when we mean it is a load of bull. As is the assumption that "in Western countries" everyone tells everyone how much they love them.
Now I'm not saying I don't love my family. I do. But I can't remember the last time I said so in person. Quite simply, it's embarrassing and I'm as "metro" as they come. Of course it's a lot easier to write here or sign a letter "Love Brad" instead of "From Brad" but it's still not the same.
Now I do remember getting a LOT of adult students who would laugh and tell me that they haven't told their husband/wife that they love them in years and visa versa but these same people seemed to be contemplating an affair or have already had several (some with English teachers) and not ashamed to tell a complete stranger about the fact or just don't see their husband or wife due to their insane working hours.
Japan does have a lower than average divorce rate compared to other countries which is mostly due to lack of legal and financial support for divorcees and a massive cultural and peer related pressure. This means more people trapped in unhappy marriages and of course unwilling to tell their spouses how much they "love" them simply because they don't.
Making a generalisation without taking into account the variables is just ignorant.
On a whole you'll really find the same amount of love in Japan compared to other countries and saying otherwise does nothing more than support an aged stereotype that Japanese people are emotionless which is completely untrue and slightly racist.
If a Japanese person loves you, they'll tell you.
Let's try and put a stop to generalisations.
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Labels: japan, Japanese Social Issues, Teaching English in Japan
posted by Brad at
7:28 PM
7 Comments:
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Welcome. My name's Brad and I'm about to start my fifth year in Tokyo, Japan though lately I've found that that defines me as badly as saying I'm from Sydney, Australia.
Hey Brad,
great post. I find it very intriguing that in English we have only 1 word for love. Like you said, I say "I love my wife" alongside "I loooove Lost!" It's bizarre.
When you look at the Greek language, (from where many of our words come) you'll find that there are many more words to describe the emotion of 'Love' - 4 that I know of:
Philia - the love between friends (brotherhood).
Storge - the love between a parent and child
Eros - Love between "lovers" from where we get the word erotic etc.
Agape - love in the vocational, self sacrificing sense (many sum it up as love in the "Christian" sense)
Interesting stuff!
Great blog btw, I'll stop by often...
Shalom
When my older son was born, his Japanese grandfather held him in his arms, rocked him back and forth and repeatedly said, "ben-kun daisuki, ben-kun daisuki..." It was then that I decided daisuki also means love depending on the context.
In my 20 years in Japan, I just never heard ai suru, ai shiteiru used except in a song or poem.
Good thoughts!
I've heard a few younguns say the "Ai" but very good point on "Daisuki" as well which pretty much means love too.
Probably a bit late, but congrats on the kids! :D
My Japanese wife went off to Australia for 3 months to learn English about 9 years ago. Upon leaving, her parents said to her "Genki de ne" and at the time I thought that to be strange as no "Anata wa daisuki" was said. In hindsight I now realise that "Genki de ne" was the same as "we love you and take care" and feel foolish for not realising it!!
Japanese do say "I love you" in many ways!!
Keith
Hmmm... I can see what you mean but that's a fine line between assuming that's what they meant and them actually saying it.
To me that's basically "Have fun and be safe". Which is pretty much the equivalent of what and English speaking person would say.
I stand by my original post but we have to also be careful about putting words in other people's mouths.
If my brother said "Have a good flight" to me. I know he still loves me.... but he didn't say it. Not that it's that important, I'm just saying. ;)
Greek is better for the concept of love than English.
Greek words for love
The Japanese don't say "I love you" like Western people do, because of cultural differences. They generally don't express their love openly. They believe that love can be expressed by manners (acting (showing the love) is more important than saying).